In what is considered a world-first 54-year-old carpenter Daryl Simmons has revealed that despite numerous times bending, squatting, and standing up from a sitting position, he has managed to go an entire day without letting out a groan.

Incredibly the dad of three managed to get out of bed without his usual grunt or exhausted exhale, then complete his whole day without so much as a sigh.

“I thought there was something wrong with him,” said Daryl’s wife, Holly Simmons, 52. “When he bent over to do up his work boots this morning, there was no moan, no pained whine, nothing. It was very unusual.” 

Daryl, who was at a loss to explain his lack of audible exhales whenever he reached for a drill at work or knelt down to hammer a nail, said it might have something to do with how he slept last night. “I slept pretty good for some reason. Maybe that’s why I didn’t say ‘hoooggggh’ when I had to pick up a bike one of the kids left lying in the driveway for the millionth goddamn time.”

At his wife’s insistence, Mr Simmons visited his local GP, Dr Mary North, who failed to find a reason for the bizarre phenomenon despite a thorough examination. “I checked everything. I made him put on a sock, then had him reach for some dirty laundry under a bed, and he even got out of a bean bag, but nothing,” said the confused doctor.

At press time, Darryl’s wife reported there had still been no groaning noises from her husband, not even a wince when he was climbing into bed. “To be honest”, said a relieved Mrs Simmons, “I’m starting to enjoy the peace and quiet. Now all we have to do is stop him farting.”