Billions of flowers worldwide are set to die a slow, horrible death in a vase somewhere, following the yearly love ritual known as Valentine’s Day.

The flowers, specifically grown to be cut off and given to someone for a three-second feeling of delight, are then shoved in a vase to rot.

Over the next week, their colour changes to brown, and their petals drop onto a table or benchtop, making a mess as the flower’s life force slowly ebbs away.

They are then put in the bin.

“Well, at least they’re not just dumped on the verge like a pile of dog shit,” said an angry Christmas tree.