God makes Pope suffer a few more days
Despite his service, God wants the Pope to suffer a bit more.
Despite his 50 years of service to him, God has decided to make Pope Francis suffer in agony for a few more days before taking him to heaven.
God, who could have just let the old guy die peacefully several weeks ago, said he wanted to make doubly sure the leader of the Catholic church, who has been his devoted servant for 5 decades and his representative on earth for over 10 years, was truly committed.
“You can’t be too sure about these things,” said God. “So, I’ve given him pneumonia and a complex lung infection to battle. He’ll be in a fair bit of pain and struggling to breathe for the last few days, but that’ll really prove to me that he worships me and wants to be with me for eternity.”
When asked why all of the Pope’s years of service and good deeds weren’t enough to let him slip away quietly in his sleep one night, God said, “Meh. That’s boring”
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God makes Pope suffer a few more days
Despite his service, God wants the Pope to suffer a bit more.
Despite his 50 years of service to him, God has decided to make Pope Francis suffer in agony for a few more days before taking him to heaven.
God, who could have just let the old guy die peacefully several weeks ago, said he wanted to make doubly sure the leader of the Catholic church, who has been his devoted servant for 5 decades and his representative on earth for over 10 years, was truly committed.
“You can’t be too sure about these things,” said God. “So, I’ve given him pneumonia and a complex lung infection to battle. He’ll be in a fair bit of pain and struggling to breathe for the last few days, but that’ll really prove to me that he worships me and wants to be with me for eternity.”
When asked why all of the Pope’s years of service and good deeds weren’t enough to let him slip away quietly in his sleep one night, God said, “Meh. That’s boring”
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_____________________________
God makes Pope suffer a few more days
Despite his service, God wants the Pope to suffer a bit more.
Despite his 50 years of service to him, God has decided to make Pope Francis suffer in agony for a few more days before taking him to heaven.
God, who could have just let the old guy die peacefully several weeks ago, said he wanted to make doubly sure the leader of the Catholic church, who has been his devoted servant for 5 decades and his representative on earth for over 10 years, was truly committed.
“You can’t be too sure about these things,” said God. “So, I’ve given him pneumonia and a complex lung infection to battle. He’ll be in a fair bit of pain and struggling to breathe for the last few days, but that’ll really prove to me that he worships me and wants to be with me for eternity.”
When asked why all of the Pope’s years of service and good deeds weren’t enough to let him slip away quietly in his sleep one night, God said, “Meh. That’s boring”
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_______________________
5 Places to Hide When Your Partner Mentions Going to Ikea
It’s Saturday morning, and you hear the four words you dread: “Let’s go to Ikea.”
It’s Saturday morning, and you’re ready to relax with a book, a newspaper or your favourite Netflix series. But then you hear the four words you constantly dread: “Let’s go to Ikea.”
If this is you, you’ll need somewhere to hide, and fast! So, here are five places to hide when your partner mentions going to Ikea.
#1 Up a Tree
Our primate ancestors lived in constant fear of being eaten by lions, tigers, bears or crocodiles. To escape these angry predators, they more often than not ran up a tree. Today, our biggest fear is going to Ikea, and our natural instincts can help us avoid that horrible fate.
When your partner mentions going to Ikea, find the nearest tree and climb up it quickly. If it’s a fruit tree, you may be able to stay up there for several days, surviving on the fruit until your partner goes to Ikea by themselves.
#2 In a Cupboard
The cupboard has been used as a hiding place for generations. But, as obvious as it may seem, it is still one of the best places to hide when trying to get out of going to Ikea.
Ironically, your partner probably wants to buy a cupboard at Ikea and will be completely unaware that it will become your new hiding place in the future.
#3 Under Your House
If you’re lucky enough to live in a house on stumps with a reasonable crawl space between the floor and the ground, you have the perfect hiding place to get out of going to Ikea.
You’ll probably scratch your belly on rocks or get bitten by spiders or rats, but it sure beats walking around Ikea for three hours trying to work out where to find the ‘Stroodlegard combination shelving unit’ your partner saw online.
#4 A Hole in The Garden
This sounds hard, but as long as you prepare your hole a few weeks in advance, it can be a lifesaver when you’re trying to get out of going to Ikea. Simply dig a hole deep enough for you to fit and cover it with sticks and leaves until the time is right.
Then, when your partner mentions going to Ikea, tell them you need to check on something outside first and disappear into your hole. Once you’ve pulled a good amount of dirt and foliage over your head, you’ll never be found, and your trip to Ikea will be cancelled.
#5 A Rolled-up Carpet in The Garage
Most of our garages are cluttered with old sporting equipment, bags of second-hand clothes and boxes of junk.
But if you’re lucky enough to have an old carpet lying in there, too, you have a perfect place to hide when it comes to avoiding a trip to Ikea. Just lay the carpet flat, then roll yourself up in it, ensuring your head and feet aren’t sticking out of either end.
When your partner calls out, remain completely silent and try not to sneeze from the dust. They’ll soon give up, and you’ll be able to lie quietly inside the rolled-up carpet for the rest of the day, safe in the knowledge that your trip to Ikea has been avoided.
Good Luck!
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___________________________________________________
5 Places to Hide When Your Partner Mentions Going to Ikea
It’s Saturday morning, and you hear the four words you dread: “Let’s go to Ikea.”
It’s Saturday morning, and you’re ready to relax with a book, a newspaper or your favourite Netflix series. But then you hear the four words you constantly dread: “Let’s go to Ikea.”
If this is you, you’ll need somewhere to hide, and fast! So, here are five places to hide when your partner mentions going to Ikea.
#1 Up a Tree
Our primate ancestors lived in constant fear of being eaten by lions, tigers, bears or crocodiles. To escape these angry predators, they more often than not ran up a tree. Today, our biggest fear is going to Ikea, and our natural instincts can help us avoid that horrible fate.
When your partner mentions going to Ikea, find the nearest tree and climb up it quickly. If it’s a fruit tree, you may be able to stay up there for several days, surviving on the fruit until your partner goes to Ikea by themselves.
#2 In a Cupboard
The cupboard has been used as a hiding place for generations. But, as obvious as it may seem, it is still one of the best places to hide when trying to get out of going to Ikea.
Ironically, your partner probably wants to buy a cupboard at Ikea and will be completely unaware that it will become your new hiding place in the future.
#3 Under Your House
If you’re lucky enough to live in a house on stumps with a reasonable crawl space between the floor and the ground, you have the perfect hiding place to get out of going to Ikea.
You’ll probably scratch your belly on rocks or get bitten by spiders or rats, but it sure beats walking around Ikea for three hours trying to work out where to find the ‘Stroodlegard combination shelving unit’ your partner saw online.
#4 A Hole in The Garden
This sounds hard, but as long as you prepare your hole a few weeks in advance, it can be a lifesaver when you’re trying to get out of going to Ikea. Simply dig a hole deep enough for you to fit and cover it with sticks and leaves until the time is right.
Then, when your partner mentions going to Ikea, tell them you need to check on something outside first and disappear into your hole. Once you’ve pulled a good amount of dirt and foliage over your head, you’ll never be found, and your trip to Ikea will be cancelled.
#5 A Rolled-up Carpet in The Garage
Most of our garages are cluttered with old sporting equipment, bags of second-hand clothes and boxes of junk.
But if you’re lucky enough to have an old carpet lying in there, too, you have a perfect place to hide when it comes to avoiding a trip to Ikea. Just lay the carpet flat, then roll yourself up in it, ensuring your head and feet aren’t sticking out of either end.
When your partner calls out, remain completely silent and try not to sneeze from the dust. They’ll soon give up, and you’ll be able to lie quietly inside the rolled-up carpet for the rest of the day, safe in the knowledge that your trip to Ikea has been avoided.
Good Luck!
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_____________________________
5 Places to Hide When Your Partner Mentions Going to Ikea
It’s Saturday morning, and you hear the four words you dread: “Let’s go to Ikea.”
It’s Saturday morning, and you’re ready to relax with a book, a newspaper or your favourite Netflix series. But then you hear the four words you constantly dread: “Let’s go to Ikea.”
If this is you, you’ll need somewhere to hide, and fast! So, here are five places to hide when your partner mentions going to Ikea.
#1 Up a Tree
Our primate ancestors lived in constant fear of being eaten by lions, tigers, bears or crocodiles. To escape these angry predators, they more often than not ran up a tree. Today, our biggest fear is going to Ikea, and our natural instincts can help us avoid that horrible fate.
When your partner mentions going to Ikea, find the nearest tree and climb up it quickly. If it’s a fruit tree, you may be able to stay up there for several days, surviving on the fruit until your partner goes to Ikea by themselves.
#2 In a Cupboard
The cupboard has been used as a hiding place for generations. But, as obvious as it may seem, it is still one of the best places to hide when trying to get out of going to Ikea.
Ironically, your partner probably wants to buy a cupboard at Ikea and will be completely unaware that it will become your new hiding place in the future.
#3 Under Your House
If you’re lucky enough to live in a house on stumps with a reasonable crawl space between the floor and the ground, you have the perfect hiding place to get out of going to Ikea.
You’ll probably scratch your belly on rocks or get bitten by spiders or rats, but it sure beats walking around Ikea for three hours trying to work out where to find the ‘Stroodlegard combination shelving unit’ your partner saw online.
#4 A Hole in The Garden
This sounds hard, but as long as you prepare your hole a few weeks in advance, it can be a lifesaver when you’re trying to get out of going to Ikea. Simply dig a hole deep enough for you to fit and cover it with sticks and leaves until the time is right.
Then, when your partner mentions going to Ikea, tell them you need to check on something outside first and disappear into your hole. Once you’ve pulled a good amount of dirt and foliage over your head, you’ll never be found, and your trip to Ikea will be cancelled.
#5 A Rolled-up Carpet in The Garage
Most of our garages are cluttered with old sporting equipment, bags of second-hand clothes and boxes of junk.
But if you’re lucky enough to have an old carpet lying in there, too, you have a perfect place to hide when it comes to avoiding a trip to Ikea. Just lay the carpet flat, then roll yourself up in it, ensuring your head and feet aren’t sticking out of either end.
When your partner calls out, remain completely silent and try not to sneeze from the dust. They’ll soon give up, and you’ll be able to lie quietly inside the rolled-up carpet for the rest of the day, safe in the knowledge that your trip to Ikea has been avoided.
Good Luck!
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_______________________
