It’s Saturday morning, and you’re ready to relax with a book, a newspaper or your favourite Netflix series. But then you hear the four words you constantly dread: “Let’s go to Ikea.”

If this is you, you’ll need somewhere to hide, and fast! So, here are the top five places to hide when your partner mentions going to Ikea.

#1 Up a Tree

Our primate ancestors constantly feared being eaten by lions, tigers, bears or crocodiles. To escape these angry predators, they, more often than not, ran up a tree. Today our biggest fear is going to Ikea, and our natural instincts can help us avoid that horrible fate. When your partner mentions going to Ikea, find the nearest tree and climb up it quickly. If it’s a fruit tree, you may be able to stay up there for several days, surviving on the fruit until your partner goes to Ikea by themselves.

#2 In a Cupboard

The cupboard has been a hiding place for generations. But, as obvious as it may seem, it is still one of the best places to hide yourself when trying to get out of going to Ikea. Ironically, your partner probably wants to buy a cupboard at Ikea and will be completely unaware that it will become your new hiding place in the future.

#3 Under Your House

If you’re lucky enough to live in a house on stumps with a reasonable crawl space between the floor and the ground, you have the perfect hiding place to get out of going to Ikea. You’ll probably scratch your belly on rocks or get bitten by spiders or rats, but it sure beats walking around Ikea for three hours trying to work out where to find the ‘Stroodlegard combination shelving unit’ your partner saw online.

#4 A Hole in The Garden

It doesn’t sound very easy, but as long as you prepare your hole a few weeks in advance, it can be a lifesaver when trying to get out of going to Ikea. Simply dig a hole deep enough for you to fit and cover it with sticks and leaves until the time is right. Then, when your partner mentions going to Ikea, tell them you need to check on something outside first and disappear into your hole. Once you’ve pulled a good amount of dirt and foliage over your head, you’ll never be found, and your trip to Ikea will be cancelled.

#5 A Rolled-up Carpet in The Garage

Most of our garages are cluttered with old sporting equipment, bags of second-hand clothes and boxes of junk. And if you’re lucky enough to have an old carpet lying in there, you have a perfect place to hide when it comes to avoiding a trip to Ikea. Just lay the carpet flat, then roll yourself up, ensuring your head and feet aren’t sticking out of either end. When your partner calls out, remain completely silent and avoid sneezing from the dust. They’ll soon give up, and you’ll be able to lie quietly inside the rolled-up carpet for the rest of the day, safe in the knowledge that your trip to Ikea has been avoided.

Good Luck!